It’s not what you do but how you do it.
It’s not what you see but how you see.
It’s not what you say, what you know or achieve,
But it’s the presence, the presence you are.
(Jan Novotka)

I joined Mercy in Sligo because they had a mission in Kenya, and I wanted to work in Africa. A few years later I was assigned to California. When I came to the US we were a sizeable group of young Mercy women, enthusiastic for mission, free and excited about our new world. We discussed religious life and Mercy life with commitment, we were here with full hearts and that helped us overcome or at least manage whatever we encountered along the way. The people in the parishes welcomed us wholeheartedly. We built strong connections and learned a lot.

Looking back now I can still remember my sense of connection with the people, and their delight in having us present with them.  Over the years I have, grown in my understanding of the experience of Presence, the value of Presence, the quality of Presence.

Some years later I was missioned to Kenya. I didn’t know the Sisters there very well. I didn’t know the language of the people and I was assigned to be the principal of the High School! I was enthusiastic, delighted to be in Kenya and I wanted to help the young people in our school. I knew that their families were making huge sacrifices to pay school fees. So, I committed myself to being really present to each person, to really hearing and understanding what we often could not talk about in words. Speaking with the parents, both sides would keep at it until we got it. I learned the value of taking time to say good morning, the value of a smile, the value of touch, the value of waiting, the value of staying still when I wasn’t sure what the best response would be.

Over the years since then I have learned a lot about being present to other people. When I was assigned to the Mission Office in San Bernardino diocese, I had a desire to learn some Spanish because of the large number of people from Mexico who were living in our diocese. So I spent a few weeks during two summers living with a Mexican family and attempting to learn their language. For years while working in the mission office, visiting schools and preaching on weekends, I got to visit many developing countries for my work. I well remember the feelings and later the thoughts I had, as I looked in the eyes of people in Haiti, in Guatemala, in the Grenadine Islands, in El Salvador, in India.

I also clearly remember the eyes of people I have met when working as a therapist, and above all when working with the victims of clergy sexual abuse. I have felt a deep sense of understanding and connection with their desperation, or their sense of being robbed of their childhood. Sometimes they look back with regret, sometimes with hope and longing towards a better future.

Eighteen years in Mercy leadership greatly deepened my capacity to be present to our Sisters. I am grateful to each one.

I learned most about presence at the times when I was feeling most helpless myself.  This learning has stayed with me through the various roles I have had over the years, a learning that I treasure; I am grateful today.

‘Your presence is the most precious gift
you can give to another human being’.
(Marshall B. Rosenberg)

Rosaline O’Connor rsm
US Region