Just over a year ago I was gifted with the opportunity to accept a ministry position at Veronica’s Home of Mercy in San Bernardino, CA. Veronica’s Home of Mercy is a Catholic/Christian transitional home for adult pregnant women and their children. It offers a healthy alternative to substance abuse, domestic violence, abortion and or homelessness. The home is orientated toward family life and living in an environment that promotes holistic healing. The goal of the home is to afford each woman an opportunity for growth and development. To realize this goal, the home collaborates with other institutions and professional agencies that provide Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation, Domestic Violence Education, Counseling, Prenatal and Parenting Classes, Child Development, Life Skills, and High School Equivalency Online Program. It is hoped that the education and acquired skills will enable the individual woman to integrate into society and live with a renewed sense of her own worth and dignity.
The women in the home are from the local area or bordering counties, especially Los Angeles. They hear about Veronica’s Home of Mercy or are referred to it by other agencies like Salvation Army, Option House or similar shelters. There is no one profile that fits all 15 current residents. The age range is 19 — 34 years. Their ethnicity is African-American, Latino, Asian, and Caucasian or a blend. We have two ladies that claim Irish ancestry! Some come from dysfunctional homes where substance abuse, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse were part of daily life. Others were in the social service system for many years and lived in one or more foster homes. The majority left or ran away from home when they turned 18. Survival on the streets usually means involvement with gangs, drugs, prostitution or other criminal activity. Through the grace of God, some reach rock-bottom and many times, that is a turning point in their lives. Due to lifestyle or parental neglect, some women have had their children taken away by Child Protective Services. Naturally, this is an additional layer of hurt added to one’s own experience of mistreatment.
Veronica’s Home of Mercy offers a new start—it is a place for a second chance at life. The program is very structured or so it seems for those who had the freedom of the streets. The two “no-no’s” that cause the most grief for the women are no male contact and no cell phones. From 1995, when the home was founded, until January of this year, the residents and staff were housed in a vacated convent. The need for a new and bigger residence was obvious. After many fund-raising events, grants, generosity of builders, donations from benefactors (including the Sisters of Mercy, US Province), and the headaches that always accompany construction, the new home was completed in December 2009. It was dedicated on December 8th and we moved in the following month. The rooms are bright, comfortable, and spacious. After the cramped space in the convent, it took some time for the residents to adjust to the brand new hotel-like building.
Since I spent most of my life in school or parish ministry, I, too, had many adjustments to make as I assumed a new ministry. Having worked in the inner city of San Bernardino for 25 years, I thought I had acquired some knowledge of the social ills within society but I discovered I was clueless as far as the lifestyle of some members of God’s family and ours. In an effort to get to know the girls, I met one-on-one with each resident. At the end of workday #3, I was convinced that there was a conspiracy to shock me! Hearing each person’s story — a story of hurt, hardship, and mistreatment expands the parameters of one’s heart, mind, and imagination and one is graced to see the face of God behind the tattoos. Most of my workday is spent in listening to them and helping with homework. Some are in junior college or in a career school and others are preparing for the high school graduation equivalency examination. The majority of the women missed out on basic skills especially if they moved from school to school. I pray with them upon request and every week we meet for an hour of prayer and reflection on Scripture. I am touched by their deep sense of God and His protective care. Many times, I feel I am on the receiving rather than the giving end of ministry.
Lest any reader thinks that life is sad and weary at Veronica’s Home, let me assure you it is not! We have our lighter and dramatic moments! On my first day of work , as I conversed with one girl, I asked her about her goals and after a pause, she replied in typical ghetto style, “For me no more mens if that what you be talking about “ The sequel to her story is that she left in May and got married in August! Initially, I was told I would learn a new language and I am making progress! I remember one day when three of the ladies discovered that they lived, at the same time, on Skid Row in Los Angeles. Their conversation, gestures, and tone of voice changed completely. As they recalled different companions, gang leaders and their activities, let me say, the language used wasn’t conventional English! Some words were explained to me but not all….thank God. One young lady who decided that the program at Veronica’s Home was not for her invited another resident to leave with her and undertake a new business – “street pharmacy”. The occupation sounds sophisticated but it means selling drugs. Another lady, after being told that she wasn’t appropriately dressed, feigned labor pains. The ambulance was called; she was taken to the hospital but within 24 hours she checked herself out of hospital and returned to her abusive boyfriend. It’s true, “The grass is always greener on the other side”! With the exception of one girl from Saipan, none of them had any association with Sisters so their only image of a Sister was the Hollywood/TV brand of religious. A mystery, greater than that of the Trinity, is that I have no children or grandchildren! That revelation always conjures up much sympathy for me. One day, I was asked how I spend my paycheck. I proceeded to explain that the check goes to the Sisters of Mercy Community and that all my needs are met in adequate fashion. The girl who asked the question was still shocked and insisted that my human rights were being violated! This young lady happened to be taking a course for legal secretaries and learned some of the legal lingo. She suggested that I speak to a lawyer about such a serious violation of my basic rights. Most of the residents have a good sense of humor, have vivid imaginations, and at times can be very economical with the truth! Survival skills are amazing.
Now, I would love to say that all who cross the threshold of Veronica’s Home are success stories but that is not the reality. The rate of recidivism is quite high. While it is difficult to understand, some return to the streets or to a former abusive partner or situation. I remember one girl saying, “I had one very nice boyfriend but because he respected me, I didn’t know how to react.” That statement is key to their plight. With some residents, their initial gratitude for having a comfortable and safe haven for themselves, their children or newborns gets smothered in the lure of life in the “hood” (gang neighborhood) and their close companionship with their “homies” (brothers and sisters on the street). A few months ago, a young African-American pregnant girl was admitted to the home. She hadn’t finished high school but she was very bright and an avid reader. I thought to myself, this is a 21st century Maya Angelou. For some months, she and her boyfriend had lived in an abandoned home (rodent-infested and no electricity or water). Imagine my shock when I went to work one Monday morning and my Maya had left to live with her boyfriend, an ex boyfriend and his woman. I believe it was the philosopher, Blaise Pascal who said, “The heart has reasons that reason doesn’t know.” How one wishes there could be common sense transplants. Departures from the home often take place after the young lady gets cash aid from the state or county.
Let me mention that there are many successful “graduates”. Some are employees in the home, live in low-income housing and continue with their education. Others have moved on and they, too, lead good and happy lives.
I trust that all who read this article will pray not only for the residents in this home but for the thousands battling addiction and for all who work with them toward restoration. The founder of Veronica’s Home of Mercy is Fr. Michael Barry, a Sacred Heart priest from Co Cork, Ireland. He and hundreds of volunteers from various churches and community organizations have been involved in the spiritual and corporal works of mercy in San Bernardino since the mid-1980s. Challenged by the example and teachings of Jesus, Fr. Barry outlines three basic principles that must guide and direct the mercy ministries:
~~Do not judge anyone who comes looking for help
~~Serve all guests so that their dignity is preserved and honored
~~See Christ in all that we serve.
These principles, coupled with the words of Catherine McAuley, keep us grounded in the Gospel.
Catherine writes: “Let those whom Jesus Christ has graciously permitted to assist Him in the person of His suffering poor have their hearts animated with gratitude and love, and placing all their confidence in Him, ever keep His unwearied patience and humility present to their minds”
{Rule and Constitution, 3.2}
Betty McGovern rsm
US Province
