An amazing array of wood carvings greeted me as I walked in to the first session of a recent retreat in Myross Wood, Leap, Co Cork. On closer inspection I realised that while most of the pieces were wood carvings there were also some other items such as a set of Russian Dolls, each one tucked carefully inside another, five in all. The dolls attracted my attention as they made me aware of the different levels of my own being and the different levels at which I live and relate.
As we started off I had a sense that ‘this is a good place to be’. Fr. Jim Cogley, the Retreat Director, created an atmosphere of acceptance and ease from the start. He invited us to make a journey into self discovery and into relationship. Through his wood carvings and the other symbols he used, he illustrated our spiritual journey and he challenged us gently to find the next step on that journey for us and to take that step in these days.
Fr. Jim Cogley
The secret of spiritual growth is to learn to agree with what God says about me; ‘I love you with an everlasting love’ (Jeremiah 31:3). Fr. Jim invited us to take this seriously, to allow it to overrule any other scripts we work out of, to remember that God has ‘cast your sins to the bottom of the sea’(Micah 7:19), and with a smile he added– No Fishing!!. What a difference it would make in our lives if we were to live out of this.
Recalling Marianne Williamson’s words quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech, Jim challenged us to grow into full life:
‘Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same’
During the days of the retreat I often returned to two other quotations:
‘When I loved myself enough the rejected, neglected and dejected parts of myself, the orphans of my soul came together in seamless unity and that was the beginning of inner peace’
‘The relationship with Self forms the foundation for the building that constitutes our life’.
Jim invited us to treat ourselves as our own best friend. In this context I was reminded of Mark 12:31 ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’. He suggested that the way we relate with ourselves is reflected in our relationships with others and in our relationship with God. If I am accepting myself and treating myself as my own best friend then I will not be trapped in looking to others for approval. I am the only person who can give myself unconditional positive regard.
In developing these ideas Fr. Jim spoke of the shadow parts of our lives, the parts of ourselves that we do not like, that we do befriend, and that we do not accept. He explained that in wood turning an unanticipated defect in the wood offers an opportunity to create something different and new. When we realise that an accepted flaw is a feature, and it is also the place where the light can come in, we realise the potential riches of accepting ourselves in all our various aspects.
In growing in awareness of how I relate with myself, I can become aware of places where I am stuck in my life. Sometimes I can find myself reacting to another person, other times I may be re-enacting something from the past. As I grow in awareness of myself in these situations I can become aware of the life experiences and perhaps the suffering I need to integrate into my life. Fr. Jim suggests that when I am dealing with experiences from the past, as they arise for me, I can be the best in relationship with myself and my faith is most alive.
Nobody gets through childhood unscathed. While our parents, and their parents in turn, did the best they could we are wounded in different ways. The possibility is that if we do not integrate the experiences of our childhood, the sufferings we endured in life, we may perpetuate what we experienced as done to us. Fr. Jim outlined a number of steps in the journey towards healing and as I recall them they are:
Growing in self awareness and in awareness of my life experiences
Recognising the patterns in my experiences and behaviour
Recognising the many layers of my existence and experience
Recognising connections and associations with previous experiences
Telling the story, coming out of denial or pretence, thereby getting light and understanding on why I am as I am
Connecting emotionally with what I am talking about.
This is a life long journey, a journey we are making from birth to death. Spirituality is the art of home coming, coming home to our true selves. What is not dealt with at an inner level will be lived out at the outer level. Experiences that we do not deal with in our lives tend to keep recurring. The key is integration, integrating our life experiences, integrating our suffering, integrating, rather than rejecting different aspects of ourselves.
Why would we want to take note of the invitation to grow into integration in our lives? Because, as Jim puts it, Ministry is an Overflow Gift, ‘if we are empty or fragmented in our inner world’ and not aware of our own vulnerabilities, there is a danger that ‘we will drink from the well of other’s miseries’, instead of relating from the riches of our own integrated life experiences sufferings and faith. As I left Myross Wood I was keenly aware that the call is new each day.
Fr. Jim Cogley is a Psychotherapist, and wood turner with nearly thirty years experience. His particular interest is that of Healing, both personal and intergenerational, and how the past that is unacknowledged can still influence the present. As an artist with wood he presents his message using symbols. He is the author of several books in the Wood You Believe series: The Unfolding Self, and The Ancestral Self. Recently published are sets of inspirational cards suitable for group work. Jim’s website is currently being rebuilt.
Frances Minihan rsm
South Central Province
